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Saturday, May 3, 2008
How to Help a Marriage or Relationship Survive
It is a shame how so many marriages start so quickly, only to end as quick as it started. In the United States alone, dissolving a marriage or separation is as easy as 1, 2, and 3. While in the Philippines, it may not be as quick to annul or divorce your spouse, but it has become easy just to turn your back and leave.

Hey, I may not know these from personal experience, i.e., my marriage itself, but I have seen too many broken marriages that I wonder at my guts by still pushing through marriage when I should be traumatized by now. Even my childhood friend suffered the same fate. Got married 9 months into a relationship (no, bride was not pregnant), and in a year or so, marriage evolved into an on-and-off one, and now, after 2 years, SEPARATION.

The possibility of it happening to my marriage scares me a lot. As much as I try to brush these thoughts out of my mind, I must admit there have been many nights where I've lain awake trying to conjure up ways to make this precious relationship last. In my mind's eye, I have made a list of do's and don'ts but I still cannot be sure if this really works.

There is this other list though, which I found in Zen Habits. Leo's (of Zen Habits) ideas somewhat coincide with what I had in mind. His points in his Seven Deadly Sins of a Relationship are as follows, as well as my comments:

  1. Resentment - This one is something like a small dose of rat poison in your food. It kills your relationship little by little through the small resentments you have. If you do not let the small things go, little by little, it builds and one day it would just blow up without your partner knowing anything about it.
  2. Jealousy - Nothing is worse than letting jealousy eat you up inside. Although, admittedly it would be nice if your special someone was jealous once in a while. But do not take it to the next level by being too driven by it. It could definitely ruin a relationship.
  3. Unrealistic expectations - People are people. Despite what you think your special someone SHOULD be, do not expect too much. A little surprise never hurt anybody, and if you set your expectations too high from the person, you end up feeling let down, and you do not have anybody else to blame other than yourself.
  4. Not making time - This, I believe is one of the usual culprits of broken marriages. In the quest to provide for the family, a spouse, or both, could spend so much time doing other things to the extent that he or she no longer has the strength or time to spend on his or her own family. And to be honest, this is what I fear the most. Spending time with your whole family is different from spending one on one time with your significant other. Omit this one, and *poof!* next thing you know your boats are drifting apart.
  5. Lack of communication - Communication is a MUST in ALL forms of relationships. Everybody has misunderstandings and small fights, but if there is lack of communication, there is a lack of clarification or letting out of emotions which in turn could add to the brewing battle of wills.
  6. Not showing your gratitude - Even the simplest of things can make or break a relationship. Showing your gratitude by appreciating even the minute things done for you or the blessings that have come can definitely strengthen a relationship. Not showing your gratitude can often make your partner feel like his oer her efforts were nothing, or that you did not even notice the things done for you.
  7. Lack of affection - No duh! Lack of affection = lack of anything. While the song "all we need is love.." is not exactly true, a marriage/partnership/relationship MUST have some form of affection. Right? Or else!

Leo's post took the words right from my mouth. Of course, he would have more authority talking about what to do because he has gone through marriage twice! Me? Oh, I am just a n00b. But I hope to grow old with... YOU!


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posted by Ann @ 11:23 AM  
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About Me

Name: Ann
Home: Philippines
About Me: even when she has fairy wings on, this girl is anything BUT dainty. perhaps the size, the weight, and the personality alone are just too much for her to be considered delicate, prim, proper, and refined. this girl with the mud smudged cheeks has been down on the ground one to many times. these times forced her to be tougher, smarter, and more savvy than she has ever been. perhaps she will always be, never dainty. email me: neverdainty [at] gmail [dot] com
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